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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  February 18, 2016 12:37am-1:37am EST

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>> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- will ferrell. comedian hannibal burrrrs, music from dustin lynch, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how's everybody doin' tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's fantastic, let's get to the news. jeb bush yesterday tweeted out a picture of a handgun with his name engraved on it, and the caption "america." making it the first time anyone said his name the way his logo intended. jeb! [ light laughter ] that's right, jeb bush tweeted a picture with caption "america," and showing a gun with his name engraved on it.
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you should have seen the other photos he was considering. there was that one. [ light laughter ] and also this one, [ light laughter ] that was a bad call. and then this one, that's the worst one of all them. [ light laughter ] pope francis loudly scolded a fan in mexico yesterday after the man grabbed his arm and pulled him down. and after hearing that the pope yelled at a mexican, donald trump converted to catholicism. [ light laughter ] i like the way you do things. [ light laughter ] donald trump supporters have filed a lawsuit challenging ted cruz's eligiblility to become president because they claim he is not a natural born citizen. okay, that's fair, but just please point to one thing on this guy that's natural. just one. [ laughter and applause ] >> donald trump at a recent campaign rally, that he has never met a human being whose lied as much as ted cruz. then melania said, you tell him
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[ light laughter ] donald trump at a campaign rally yesterday, repeatedly referred to dr. ben carson as obama, though to be fair, it's not like he's been responding to ben. [ applause ] come on. come on out. no, no, you gotta come out. ben! [ laughter ] a cellist, y y guys have been waiting for a joke about a cellist, right? [ light laughter ] a cellist in oregon was arrested after police found over 100 pounds of marijuana in his car trunk. thankfully when they pulled him over he didn't resort to violins. [ laughter and applause ] yeah thank you, thank you. i also thought it was great. [ light laughter ] a prominent exorcist in west africa has claimed that beautful women are more likely to be possessed by evil spirits.
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[ light laughter ] and finally, the 140th west minster kennel club dog show wrapped up last night, and cj, a german short-haired pointer took home best in show. not, as steve harvey announced, beethoven! [ light laughter ] we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] from "zoolander 2," will ferrell is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] can't wait for that. also, he has a new stand-up special on netflix called "comedy camisado", hannibal burress is in the house tonight. the very funny hannibal burress. [ cheers and applause ] we'll also have music from the fantastic country artist dustin lynch, it's gonna be a great show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] now, before we get to that. we here, we here at the show believe that no matter how different two things are, they can still have common ground. and to prove it, it's time once again for "venn diagrams." [ cheers and applause ] you guys remember "venn diagrams?"
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have in common. first up, on one side we have ben carson's campaign. on the other side we have toyota-thon. and in the middle we have low interest rates. [ laughter and applause ] moving on. on one side we have bruce springsteen, on the other side we have hillary clinton. in the middle we have born to run. [ laughter and applause ] born for it. up next on one side, we have the westminster dog show, on the other side we have presidential debates. in the middle we have bitchfest. [ laughter and applause ] full on bitchfest. moving on. on one side we have waterboarding. on the other side we have "the celebrity apprentice." in the middle we have torture methods endorsed by donald trump. [ cheers and applause ] up next, on one side we have the supreme court on the other side we have a jeb bush rally. in the middle we have empty
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[ applause ] and finally on one side we have birds at 6:00 a.m., on the other side we have kanye. and, in the middle we have please stop tweeting. [ cheers and applause ] that's venn diagrams, we'll be
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome, back, everybody. our first guest tonight is a beloved comedian and actor who you know from movies such as "old school," "anchorman," and "talladega nights." he's back alongside ben stiller and owen wilson in the new film, "zoolander 2," which is currently in theaters. let's take a look. >> alexandra! oh -- oh -- ah. oh. huh? ah -- ah --
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ooh -- ooh -- ah -- >> seth: please welcome to the show, will ferrell! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: what a delight to have you here, my friend. >> thank you. great to be here. >> seth: almost hard to tell in that clip. that's kristen wiig. >> that is. >> seth: fully botoxed. >> fully botoxed. four hours of makeup to apply her face. >> seth: and yet, you just went at it? was there fear that you would take the face off in the passion? >> there was fear. yeah. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> there was fear -- >> seth: how much rehearsal did you put into that kind of makeup? >> that -- no rehearsal whatsoever. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> there was a brief 30-second
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where we realized, "oh, yeah. we have to do this weird kiss. what are we gonna do?" and kristen just saiai "you know what? i don't care. i have a fake face on." [ laughter ] which -- how nice in life would that be able to people, "i have a fake face. do whatever you want." >> seth: none of this counts. >> yeah. >> seth: none of it counts. it's not real. >> i said, "okay." and we just went for it, and i think if ben stiller called "cut" and said, "i don't know what i'm watching right now." [ laughter ] "but, please continue." [ laughter ] and, you know -- and then, a lot of italian crew guys just smoking cigarettes watching us. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's fantastic, and this is -- i'm so happy -- >> not laughing, by the way. >> seth: no laughing. >> not laughing at all. >> seth: throughout the film? the course of the film, did the italian crew laugh. >> definitely in that moment, no laughter. [ laughter ] >> seth: they're very serious about romance in italy. >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> this must be funny to them. [ laughter ] yeah.
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>> yeah. >> seth: that's pretty exciting. i believe you're -- mugatu's in prison? >> right. i've been in fashion prison. >> seth: fashion prison. [ laughter ] >> for the last ten years. >> seth: okay. >> so, it's nice to set up that there's actually a real fashion prison. >> seth: right. >> that that just isn't a -- >> seth: the fashion police can put you away. >> right, can put you away. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, yeah. >> so i've been locked up, and i come back to seek vengeance on the rest of the world. >> seth: and that is a wig now, right? >> that is a wig. >> seth: "zoolander 2," a wig. >> that i wear. >> seth: "zoolander 1" -- >> "zoolander 1," for some reason, i got talked into using my real hair. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> i dyed my hair platinum blonde. [ laughter ] >> seth: and were still on snl. >> i did it without even asking lorne michaels if it was okay. >> seth: this is interesting because -- [ laughter ] there you are. this is the year before i started on the show, and i went to the show in the audience. i was not on snl, and i remember i went to the after party. >> yeah. >> seth: and you had this crazy
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>> sure. >> seth: 'cause "zoolander" wasn't a movie yet. >> you just thought i was, like, a free spirit. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: i really do, 'cause my friend's like, "did you meet will ferrell?" i'm like, "i didn't see him, but his hair is way different." >> he's super punk rock. yeah. no. i -- ben talked to me. he said, "i got this crazy idea. would you dye your hair platinum blonde?" i said, "let's do it, yeah." [ laughter ] but it was one of those things where it's a two-week role that spreads into three months, and you have no idea that you're gonna have to keep dyeing your hair. >> seth: yes. >> and the third time you're dyeing your hair, the color is just like, "i'm surprised it hasn't all fallen out." [ laughter ] "oh, i didn't realize that could be a potential by-product." >> seth: right. >> but, yeah, i just went for it. and i had to wear my own self-wig they have on the show. you have your own self-wig. >> seth: yes, at snl, like, they have a wig that's as close as it gets to your hair. >> i was wearing that a lot. >> seth: that's crazy. >> it's really a bizarre -- >> seth: adam mckay was recently on the show, director of "the big short," head writer when you were at snl. >> yeah.
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and directed much of your films. >> right. >> seth: and he was talking about -- i feel like once you left this stopped, where people would actually, like, do pranks or do bits with lorne? >> right. >> seth: 'cause lorne is famously not, like, good with bits. >> right, right. >> seth: but you did -- >> and he wasn't good with bits with us either, but we still did it, no matter what. >> seth: you just did it. >> right, yes. >> seth: but you charged into his office once, yes? >> we charged -- we were waiting -- so on a wednesday night, waiting for the picks to come out. so, that's when they picked the lineup that's going to be the show. we're waiting and waiting, and we're just -- we run into jim downey's office, who's a venerable writer. >> seth: yes. >> who has 20 emmys from the beginnings of the show, and we just grabbed two emmys and run into his office, lorne's office, and slam the emmys down on his sk and say, "now it's our time." [ laughter ] and lorne just went, "right. so i think -- should we do the zookeeper sketch or --" >> seth: nothing. >> "nothing?"
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>> not, not -- >> seth: i will give you credit for this. did you remember your last pitch for the monday of your last show? >> someone was just -- kevin was just reminding me of this. i had forgotten -- >> seth: it was about -- we only overlapped for a year. >> right. >> seth: and it was your last show, and pitch, everybody goes around and says an idea. you brought in an old, timey typewriter. >> yes. >> seth: which you'd never done before. >> right. >> seth: and as people were pitching -- >> a heavy, old typewriter. >> seth: a heavy, old typewriter. and throughout everybody's pitch and you would just sit -- you were typing. >> i barely remember this. >> seth: you were typing as if it was your job. so people would be like, "i have this idea where --" [ imitates typing ] [ laughter ] >> seth: "like it's a wedding, but the wrong wedding --" >> "ding." [ laughter ] >> seth: it was so great. >> and then what -- >> seth: lorne went around the room, and you usually were in in the first third. and he put you last. and he said, "will." and you went -- and then read your own notes. >> okay. >> seth: and said, "i think we're good." [ laughter ] and that was the end of it. >> i totally had forgotten that.
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>> i was a really smart adventurist back then. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. you mentioned this shot in rome as "zoolander." >> yes. >> seth: have you worked -- >> "rome!" >> seth: rome. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. >> "rome." [ laughter ] >> yeah, and we're -- >> seth: what was different about shooting a movie in "rome." >> yes. thank you, thank you, seth. [ laughter ] i don't want you to look like an idiot? >> seth: no, i appreciate it. [ laughter ] >> so, well, the italians, they -- a lot of things, like, cassettes, the guy with, like, a staple gun, still putting a wall together while you're about to start filming a scene. >> seth: they're just ready a little later? >> yeah. and i had, you know -- as is on a movie set, you're sitting in your trailer. people are always asking, "can we get you andyting?" can we get you -- i'm usually like, "i'm great. i'm great." one day, i decide to ask for some almonds, some roasted almonds. >> seth: sure. as is your right. [ laughter ]
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[ laughter ] now, here we just go down to whole foods and get some -- or at any market. it doesn't have to be whole foods. don't get all, that way with me. [ laughter ] so i asked for some almonds, and came this little, tiny dish of blanched white almonds. >> seth: how many almonds? >> like, about 12. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> i said, "oh, i'm so sorry. is there any way to have roasted almonds?" and they're like, "sure, no problem." [ laughter ] meanwhile, like, an hour later, came this same little cup whith the same 12 hot roasted almonds -- [ laughter ] from a pan. they were really delicious, but i know, like, they gave it to the cook who just slowly roasted these almonds -- [ laughter ] going, "who the hell roasts almonds?" [ laughter ] "i have to roast almonds for this dumb american actor." so every morning, i'd have my cup of 12, hot roasted almonds, and they were -- delicious. [ laughter ]
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>> yeah, that's roma. [ applause ] >> seth: that's roma. >> yeah. >> seth: you, of course, famous for playing george bush on snl, and i do want your thoughts because i've heard you mentioned -- you are just a big fan of -- of his look? is it safe to say -- >> well, i just love when the candidates, you know, get casual. you know? because it's so natural. yeah. >> seth: here's a good example. >> a good, tight, pressed jean. [ laughter ] roll up the sleeves. he's just one of us. [ laughter ] >> seth: it's so natural. i mean, look how natural -- >> i wanna be president. [ laughterer and, yeah. arms out. >> seth: arms out, and just, like, belted. >> belted. >> seth: belted up. tuck it in. >> tucked in. belted. >> seth: just a normal guy. >> yep. >> seth: just like you and i. >> totally representative of everyone in this room. [ laughter ] man of the people. >> seth: what? >> man of the people. >> seth: oh, yeah, total man of the people, yeah. well, thank you so much for being on the show. it's such a pleasure to see you. >> well, but, you know, before i go do you mind if i give a quick shout-out?
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please, go for it. >> i just wanna give a shout-out to my agent, eric goldman. eric, if you're watching, you know what you did, you son of a bitch. [ laughter ] you screwed me. you shanghaied me. i was dicaprio. you were the bear, and you left me in the woods for dead. [ laughter ] well, guess what? now i'm the bear, and i'm comin' for you. and i won't stop chewing on your head until i get my $127.38 back. [ laughter ] >> seth: sorry. what did eric do? >> i paid for lunch once, and he never paid me back. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, well, anyway, so good to have you on the show. >> can i just give another shout-out? [ laughter ] i wanna give a quick shout-out to enrique velazquez. [ laughter ] who works at the best buy on wilshire boulevard. [ laughter ] enrique, i'm very sorry about
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day. when i asked you where you guys keep the blu-ray for "robin hood: prince of thieves," starring kevin costner, and you said, "we don't have that in stock," i should not have slapped you right in the mouth -- [ laughter ] as hard as i could. enrique, i want you to look at me. i was wrong -- [ laughter ] and i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry. [ laughter ] enrique, please, forgive me. absolve me of my sins. [ laughter ] cleanse me, sweet enrique, and bathe me -- [ laughter ] in the healing waters of your mercy. [ laughter ] >> seth: wow. that was -- that was a lot for a shout-out, will. >> can i give another shout-out? [ laughter ] to all the employees at the auto zone at 4798 northwestern avenue in chicago, illinois. i salute you for your service. get in the zone. auto zone. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: great. thank you so much for being here.
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shout-out? >> seth: if you need to, yeah. >> i'd like to give a shout-out to a lovely lady, from the royal house of winsor, queen elizabeth ii. [ laughter ] queen, three words -- you. are. sexy. [ laughter ] you're the very embodiment of red hot passion. and i would like to invite you to a love-making session that will rock your world. [ laughter ] and i want those guards of yours with those hats to watch. [ laughter ] as we knock boots. [ laughter ] and their expressions will change. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this -- and this -- [ laughter ] and probably this. [ laughter ] if you want to get in touch, my e-mail address is
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[ laughter ] >> seth: thank you again so much. >> seth, may i please just give one more shout-out? >> seth: yeah, go for it. give a shout-out. this one is to richard dreyfuss. >> seth: the actor? the actor, richard dreyfuss? >> yes. >> seth: okay. >> richard, you know what unspeakable acts you committed against me and my family. [ laughter ] my family! [ laughter ] my family, richard! [ laughter ] my team is zeroed in on your location. there are drones above your head right now and ready to take you out. make no mistake. i am strong, and my resolve to eliminate you. >> seth: will, what did richard dreyfuss, what could he have possibly done to you? >> he refuses to make "pretty women 2." [ laughter ] >> seth: richard drey -- i think, wait. do you mean richard gere? [ laughter ] >> no. this is a screw-up. this is a big screw-up. [ laughter ] 1,000 apologies richard dreyfuss. what have i done? seth, he's gonna need a bigger boat -- [ laughter ]
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>> seth: okay. >> as for you, richard grere. we're not through. [ laughter ] your buddha won't protect you from a missile. [ laughter ] >> seth: will ferrell, everybody! check out -- [ cheers and applause ] >> it's richard gere, not "grere." >> seth: it's not "grere." >> yeah, it's not "grere." >> seth: either one, though. >> either one. >> seth: "zoolander 2" in theaters now. be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] some people know how to make an entrance. to thrive under pressure. to reject the status quo. and they have no problem passing the competition.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody, please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, on drums with us tonight, he's back, fred armisen is with us. [ cheers and applause ] always happy to have fred here. >> thank you. >> seth: you can also see fred in "portlandia" season 6 and he is in "zoolander 2" right now in theaters. he's very funny in that. and fred, i'm so happy about having you here. because, well my favorite thing about having you here is we get to catch up. we get to talk backstage, and one of the things fred and i often talk about is how one of the problems we have with tv right now, so many good shows, very hard to keep up with
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i was complaining about this to fred. and fred says he does not have that problem. because he watches every episode of every television show that is on tv. fred is this true? >> it's absolutely true. >> seth: if you were just bragging and just lying to me to brag you can admit right now it is not true. >> no, no it's absolutely true. >> seth: you see every episode. >> every episode of everything. >> seth: alright, in that case it's time once again for fred armisen's extremely accurate tv recap. [ cheers and applause ] alright, fred, you know how this works. i'm gonna give you the title of a show, and i would like you to tell me what it's about and what happen on last weeks episode. the name of the show "party down south." >> oh, party down south. >> seth: yeah. >> do you know party down south? >> seth: no, i don't. >> you haven't seen it? >> seth: no, i have not. >> did you seen the pilot? >> seth: i haven't seen any of it. >> it's great. so party down south, it takes place in a dental office. [ light laughter ] it's super dramatic. >> seth: okay. >> and it's a, you know, it's a procedural and it's very -- >> seth: it's a dental procedural?
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and it's about the southern part of the mouth, so it's the sort of lower jaw part of dentistry. >> seth: is that a dental term to refer to this as the southern half. >> that's what they say on the show. that's what i learned. >> seth: okay. >> 'cause it's molars, there's other teeth. [ laughter ] you know incisors. >> seth: incisors? >> right. oh, you've seen the show. >> seth: no i haven't. [ laughter ] >> so it's just like -- it's a lot of the drama involving like the lower jaw of this dental office. and so you know the nurse will come, in like, do you need anything. and the dentist is like, no, i'm fine. a lot of that. >> seth: that doesn't sound like a lot of drama. >> there's a tension to it. that's what the show really builds. the writers are brilliant. these are great writers. these guys are the best they took a risk. [ laughter ] you know, they pitched it for two years, three years. and they finally made it and they're like, lets do this show. and it's got a lot of attention, a lot of silences. >> seth: okay, a lot of silences. are there any patience?
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>> yes, there's one patient throughout the whole season. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> and is name is david. >> seth: okay. >> and he's in there and it just -- he goes through all this stuff in his head. and he's just like. i need to get my teeth worked on. >> seth: okay, now, according -- and that sounds great and i do have to check it out. according to tv guide it's a realilty show about eight people living in a house in savannah georgia. >> that sounds wrong. i don't know if that's the right -- i don't think that's right. >> seth: i defiantely would rather watch yours. >> yeah. >> seth: thank you once again. fred armisen, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is an emmy nominated writer and comedian, who has a new standup special on netflix called comedy comisado. you can also see him in the third season of "broad city," which airs wednesday nights on comedy central. please welcome back to the show,
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: always good to see you, my friend. >> good to see you too, man. >> seth: you were at the allstar game in toronto. >> i was. >> seth: fun, did you have a fun time? >> i had an interesting time. it was hellishly cold on saturday. and me and my cousin, we get into a taxi. my house that i'm staying in is a few blocks away. and the taxi says, it's a $20 flat rate. i was like, no, put the meter on it. no this is a van cab. $20 flat rate. and i said, no, man. and he says, you know what, i've had a good week. i had a good day, not gonna let you ruin it. i'm just gonna take you for free. i said, i don't want your free ride. and i said, that's why uber is crushing you guys. he was like, ahh! [ laughter ] get out of my taxi right now! he just snapped 'cause i mentioned uber. >> seth: but you, also he snapped 'cause you mentioned uber after he offered you a free ride. >> i didn't wamt his free ride 'cause he was doing it in a condescending, like ah, whatever i don't need your money. i was like, i don't need your free ride. but the uber thing really set
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'cause he tried to kick us out into the cold. i was like, no, you're not kicking me out into negative 3 degrees. i'm just using your place heaten. i'm using your heat until this uber comes. i feel like i could have said anything to him, and it wouldn't have upset him unless i mentioned uber. i could have been like hey, you got a daughter? he says, yeah, i got a daughter. yeah. she's gonna come to one of my shows. i'm gonna have sex with her. he goes, okay. and i'm gonna send her back home in an ube. ahh! [ laughter ] >> seth: that's good to know that's the trigger word. that's a trigger word for taxi drivers. >> he was so upset, man. >> seth: you are an uncle? >> yeah. >> seth: and i'm about to become a father. i've not spent a lot of time with kids. >> yeah. >> seth: any advice for me? >> i'd say, have you picked the name yet? >> seth: we -- we're pretty close to a name, yeah. >> you have it whittled down? >> seth: yeah, we're whittled down. >> as far as middle names? >> seth: ah-huh >> three middle names. >> seth: three middle names?
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that. >> just mix it up a little bit. just in case they don't like what you gave them as a first name, they have something else to choose from. >> seth: oh i see. so it's like a name bullpen. >> it's a name bullpen. just in case you messed up and you wanna give your child choices 'cause there's some kids that don't like what they were named. i'm cool with my name being hannibal. [ laughter ] but some kids don't. >> seth: yeah, okay that's good to know so three names that's the only advice you give me? >> keep the shelf. >> seth: okay. oh, keep working. >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> 'cause then if your wife is like, hey, you haven't been spendin' enough time with the baby. you got this tv show. >> seth: that's actually fantastic advice. [ laughter ] >> i got to do this tv show. i got bits -- i got bits to do. >> seth: that's so much better than the three middle names. i gotta remember that. >> three middle names. i don't know, man. i'm not good with babies. when my nephew wilson was premature, so he was kind of small.
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him. i was like, no, let him get -- let him get bigger. i don't wanna drop him. >> seth: that -- i'm terrified of that, the first time i've gotta do that. you said you were cool with hannibal. we were also talking backstage when you do standup now, people will yell out your "broad city's" character name. >> yeah. >> seth: they'll yeah out lincoln to you. >> they'll yell lincoln. >> seth: and you have to then -- but then you were saying, like, they're just fans of the show. "broad city." this is -- you've been a standup for years. this is kinda the first acting you had done. you're fantastic on the show. >> thanks. >> seth: is acting something that comes easy to you? >> sometimes. it's weird, 'cause sometimes i do a scene where i'm acting like acting like we're about to have sex. but's shes acted and im thinking hey does she want the [ bleep ] right now, for real? [ laughter ] look me in my eyes. oh no, no, no she's acting. she's just good. >> seth: that's really a job they're doing. they're doing a good acting
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acting. >> seth: as a strategy? >> it was strategy 'cause i did a standup set earlier in the week, where i usually don't smoke before a stand -- but i did a standup set high and i crushed it. let me bring this into other stuff. and i'm not a good high act. it was too many things. my saying was, we were in a park. and i pop out in the park, and i see a dog. i get excited. i run up to the dog, and i pull out my phone and i say the dog looks like judith light. and i say something else, then i leave, and that's too many directions for a high person. [ laughter ] >> seth: how far would you get into it before? >> i messed it up so many times. i messed it up eight times. it got so bad the producers they said, hey, hannibal, should we give you your lines earlier? you need to talk this -- you need to run over this? it was really bad. >> seth: and what did you tell him? did you tell them that was a good idea? >> i was just like, no, i'm just struggling with -- it's just so many things. [ laughter ] i'm a better sit down talking one on one actor like. >> seth: i would like my scenes
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>> i like my scenes to be one on one feet planted, parallel. with that person looking them in the eyes. and then just -- you know. >> seth: you're like a reverse daniel day lewis. just be one thing. >> one thing. >> seth: yeah. do you get recognized more from the show? well, sometimes people will come up to me at a place and they'll say, what's up, hannibal? hey, how you doin'? am i the first person to recognize you today? it seems like nobody recognizes you. you'll get there one day. [ laughter ] good luck. >> seth: they took a very nice moment and ruined it for you. >> they ruined everything. >> seth: you -- this -- this you can give very good advice on because of you've often, you've done a wonderful job over the years i feel like bringing attention to the tsa and the job they do. and how they could do it better. >> tsa stinks. >> seth: that's sorta been my take away. >> the organization stinks. but it's good people working for a horrible thing. >> seth: now what -- you have some -- sort of like life hacks on how to get around
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>> i have a life hack for tsa. you know those body scanners where you have to put up the rockefeller sign and they look at your genitals? >> seth: yeah, i haven't thought of it like that before. >> they are -- they're looking at our stuff, man. they don't need to do that. you know the fifth pocket if you're wearing jeans. >> seth: the tiny little fifth pocket. >> the tiny little pocket. >> seth: yeah. >> nothing shows up. so america do with that what you want. [ light laughter ] >> seth: wait it's invisible to detection? >> it's invisible to detection. what do you do, what do you put in the fifth pocket? >> i just put coins in there so i feel good. [ laughter ] 'cause they say nothing in your pockets, but if you have coins in your regular pocket it will show. but if you put a coin in there, it's just a little thing to make you feel better about life. [ laughter ] we got use whatever you gotta use to get through, man. >> seth: so they ask you making sure there's no coins. i mean, it's the tiny pocket the fifth pocket's small. >> fifth pocket's small. >> seth: one, two coins tops? >> one, two coins. an adderal.
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emergency dust in a bag, whatever you want to put if there. whatever can fit in here, trust me. everybody do that, and then send me videos of you looking happy. [ laughter ] i'm serious! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thank you for the advice. this is great to know. hannibal burress, everybody. his standup special comedy comisado is available on netflix. and you can see him in the new season of broad city with the fantastic end on comedy central. we'll be back with more "late night." mmm, this turkey is natural? yeah. it's too good to be true. not again. real estate never goes down. fact. we'll have the baby, and i'll have my band, and it'll just work. right. don't worry about it honey. all of our family photos are right here (banging sound) on the hard drive. it's called a timeshare. we don't own it, we share it. let's do it. oh yeah. that is good. - mm-hmm.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. now i don't know if you've heard, but there's this term rich people have been using it to excuse their terrible behavior. called affluenza. it's a term they claim it's a disease that cause them not to beable take responsibilty for their actions cause lived to privilege a life so now to explain a little more about affluenza. please welcome affluenza sufferer new york party girl and heiress to the warbucks fortune, grown-up annie. >> seth: grown-up annie, how are you? >> i'm better late than never. >> seth: you weren't late. >> yes, i was, but false alarm, you're off the hook, kid. >> seth: all right, annie, um this happens every time you come out.
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turned your life around, but you're still a train wreck. >> no, seth, even train wrecks eventually get cleaned up. >> seth: okay that's a good point. so, annie you've grown up very wealthy. you get in trouble all the time. and you claim that this is because of affluenza? >> it is! affluenza is a terrible disease, and it latches on to you with a grip stronger than the children do when i go back to the orphanage. but unlike those children, you can't say to affluenza, get off! you're not me! and it's never been harder to be a rich person. and the general public needs to appreciate that. and be educated. it's like that old nbc ad campaign, the moron you know. >> seth: i think it's more. >> no, i think that's the whole song. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> affluenza is only one of the
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wealthy kids across the nation. >> seth: oh, i'm sorry, sorry there are more rich diseases? >> yeah, idiot. diseases you get because you have so much money and literally have never had to do a single thing for it. like i have affluenza, plus greeteria, hivip. >> seth: that can't be right? >> no, it is. i'm positive. [ light laughter ] there's also type ii diamondbetes, karadashiantydis, and urinary tract infection. >> seth: oh is that. that last one isn't a rich disease. >> it is the way i got it. >> seth: i don't wanna hear. >> solid gold dildo! >> seth: i said i didn't want to hear it. >> too late! well, here's something you're gonna wanna know. >> i decided i'm gonna fight these rich diseases. >> seth: oh that's great, how are you gonna do that? >> by helping other people, seth. through new projes. >> seth: projes? >> yeah, projes. it's the abrievt of projects >> seth: yeah but it's the same
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>> oh, i had syllable once and i know you gave it to me, chad. also, call me. >> seth: you had syllables? >> yeah. >> seth: you got syllables. >> it's so itchy. >> seth: so what projects do you have right now? >> i started a business -- >> seth: i'm sorry, i can barely hear you. >> am i not talking -- am i miked? >> seth: yeah. >> okay. >> seth: you're good. >> salty -- >> seth: what other projects do you have going on. >> i started a business called annie's nannies. >> seth: oh, that sounds great, what is it? >> you're so loud. >> seth: yeah. >> it provides nannies, not to children in need, but to rich irresponsible adults, helping them do things like wake up and take a responsible amount of cocaine. >> seth: oh you shouldn't, you shouldn't be doing any cocaine? >> you sound just like a police officer. >> seth: all right. >> and all this work with annie's nannies has gotten me to look inward.
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really am until now. so, seth, i'd like to announce that i'm getting a sex change. >> seth: oh, oh, grown-up annie, that is very brave of you to admit. >> thank you. >> seth: that you are getting a sex change. >> thank you, i know. from now on i'm only gonna have sex facing people. >> seth: that's not -- [ laughter ] that's not a sex change. >> it is for me. >> seth: okay, you know what? no wonder you have syllables. grown-up annie, you have to go. >> no, please, seth. let me stay. i wanna sing a song. >> seth: all right, sure, i'll give in right away. >> oh, that's what i do. >> seth: okay. the sun will come out morrow bet your bottom dollar -- >> you know the dollar you keep in your butt for emergencies. >> seth: that is not bottom dollar. >> yes, it is! >> seth: grown-up annie, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with music
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guys, what's that? oh, man. toyota. let's go places. i take pictures of sunrises, but with my back pain i couldn't sleep and get up in time. then i found aleve pm. aleve pm is the only one to combine a safe sleep aid plus the 12 hour pain relieving strength of aleve. i'm back. aleve pm for a better am. it's a taste so bold, yet so smooth, it could only be called, black silk, from folgers. a taste you could enjoy, fresh brewed, or one cup at a time. black silk, from folgers. piano music. i'm glad you finally made it, dad. you have to experience this city. that's what you always say. you were right about the food. hi john. hey kevin.
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one more. it's beautiful, isn't it? how about a baseball game next time? done! done. book priceless experiences around the globe with... ...your world mastercard. only at priceless.com. [content sigh] ah, excuse me? mr. jones? hi. already? you booked an appointment. i just started cookin. we at time warner cable need to apologize to you. i haven't even started to bronze yet. we no longer give you an excuse to work all day perfecting your tan. starting to even it out. we're making a bunch of changes at time warner cable. including one-hour arrival windows. we'll also tell you how long our visit will take
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while some candidates suck up to trump...or run away from him in fear... jeb bush isn't afraid. jeb bush: "that is downright wrong..." he stands up to trump for his liberal democratic positions. calls out trump for insulting women,
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even trashing a decorated war hero. trump: "i like peoplethat weren't captured..." jeb bush: "john mccain is an american hero..." jeb bush. the better man. the real conservative. a commander in chief. right to rise usa is responsible for the content of this message. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: with two consecutive number one singles under his belt, and his third racing up the charts, tonight's musical guest is poised to be the next big thing in country music. perfroming "mindreader," please welcome to the show dustin lynch. [ cheers and applause ] how'd you know to wear your hair like that how'd you know to turn up that song how'd you know them little tore up jeans
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and turn me on girl it's like you know me too good but you barely know me at all yeah the way its goin' tonight you probably know i'm ready to fall cause baby you a little mind baby you a little mind reader yeah that's what you are you play it off a little shy but baby you're a heart stealer and right here in this car it's like you knew that smile was gonna melt me down like you know those lips are what i'm needin right now and girl when you lay em on mine yeah it's like you're reading my mind girl it's like you got a crystal ball like you got a little gypsy side it's like you knew that sweet perfume that you got on was gonna get me high well how'd you know
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bout to say how'd you know to whisper in my ear lets take this party back to my place baby you a little mind baby you a little mind reader yeah that's what you are you play it off a little shy but baby you're a heart stealer and right here in this car it's like you knew that smile was gonna melt me down like you know those lips are what i'm needin right now and girl when you lay em on mine yeah it's like you're reading my mind yeah that's what you are it's like you knew just when to lean on in and take my hand like you had it all planned and girl you've got me figured out don't you now baby you a little mind
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yeah that's what you are you play it off a little shy but baby you're a heart stealer and right here in this car it's like you knew that smile was gonna melt me down like you know those lips are what i'm needin right now and girl when you lay em on mine yeah it's like you're reading my mind yeah thats what you are oh ain't you girl [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's the "late show," everyone. the album "where it's at" is out and catch him on tour now with
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[ cheers and applause ] man: at that moment, it hit me -- this is why i joined the guard. i couldn't believe it. i just saved a life. somebody from my hometown. announcer: be there for your community,
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7 o0 c1 [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to will farrell, hannibal burress, dustin lynch, everybody, and of course, the 8g band and fred armisen! stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow.
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>> carson: hello everybody, i'm carson daly with tonights "last call" coming to you from the skylark. coming up, we serve up a tv debut from gateway drugs by way of the regent and we're gonna spotlight the oscar-nominated production designer behind "mad max: fury road," colin gibson. but first, legendary snowboarder, skateboarder, and all around bad ass,

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